Escape

This is not related to the content.

Recently, I am working on this picture. I don't want to do correction at the moment, just want to colour it.

I am going to express my uneasy feeling.

My friend told me that I always tried to escape from things that I dislike.

No need to think of, I totally agreed with him.

It is not a guilt to escape from things that you dislike. "To know what causes your sufferings, and try to find a way to prevent it." I find something like that in Buddhism. I am not trying to distort the true meaning, but they are somehow sharing the same purpose. Of course, Face what you dislike and overcome it would be perfect. Just if you can do it.

I have tried. Just for going to forums. That's the only thing that I try to not to escape from.

I love drawing. And I will go to the drawing section of a forum only.

You can find people from every type in a forum. It is not important that a person has good or bad skills. I am focused on their attitude towards the others. Maybe I am just so intolerant that I can't accept people just try to force others to accept what they said. And some of them have bad manner also.

"You will lose if you take that serious." This maybe right.

In the past, I post my works on forums not only wanted for improvement, but also praise. This sounds so naive, but that's true. But in fact, only one or two person would leave a comment. I was too weak... maybe. Though others receving meaningless praises, I still envied them.

At this moment, I still don't have much comment. I am not post for a praise, but to show others that I am still here.

I am not only facing others bad attitude, but also the frustrations when nobody cares about my existence.

I feel strange that why I choose to face things that are not important instead of things that are important?

I better face all I dislike.

Suicide

"Judgement Day" for the public examination is coming soon. It's scary but it will never be a problem that make me think of commiting suicide.

And I am not encouraging others to commit suicide also.

Something made me think about suicide. One day, I saw my friend's blog and found that his younger schoolmate commited suicide. I heard that he had tried many times. This time is succeed by chance. I am not focusing on why he wanted to be dead for so many times.

Beginning from primary school, the idea of not commit suicide is deeply sealed in my mind. The teachers seem to think that commit suicide is a bad thing. "Commit Suicide is not a solution, there will always be another solution" , "if you commit suicide, your parents and friends will become heartbroken" , "life is precious" , " you haven't try many things yet". I heard these messages for many times. If you ask me whether we should commit suicide, "no" will come out from my mouth involuntarily and my subconscious would just continue to make me speak the above reasons.

I was shocked when I saw the messages left by the foreigners. Then I think about suicide for the first time. Others shows their sympathy and understanding.

We don't know his situation. Life is full of tortures and difficulties, this would make one think that they are not living at the right time and place, it would be better to end the torture at the moment. Many people are having financial burden, many people are equiping with good skills, but nobody notices that.

Moreover, The journey for a life would never be easy, so we have to think of some reasons for ourselves to continue our journeys. Not everyone can find a reason. And not everyone can think of a "good" way overcome the problems.

Death is frightening for humans. That is a strong and natural feeling. Those committed suicide would probably think so. Once the suicide found that the feeling of desperation is stronger than the natural fear of death. Then commtting suicide maybe a easy way for them to overcome the problems.

What is right and what is wrong? I don't know. Nothing will always be true. Maybe we should not rate one's behavior, just do what we trust. He is dead. I am not hoping him reincarnate with a good life. I just hope he can quit the transmigration. No need to suffer from the pain from transmigration again.

I think I will not commit suicide as I still scare of die. Also, I can find a reason to live.

I had a try

Kaguya

http://img211.imageshack.us/img211/2215/300509teruyosketch.jpg

The picture is quite big, so I post the link only.

From long long ago, I thought that a simplified picture is difficult to draw.

"Just use simple lines to present a character is very hard." This appeared in my mind since the early days, I didn't have a try. In my memories, I drew this kind of picture around 1 year ago. As I found PIXIV, I have more and more contact to this kind of drawing style. Recently, I have a try on it again.

That is totally correct that I didn't treat this kind of picture as a trifle. The scales are difficult to keep constant when comparing with the normal scale. And the time spent is about the same as others.

Don't you think that my skill is improving? The coloured one would show, I think. I found easier and easier to draw.

The coloured version will be posted on Plain Lotus Land later.

BHCV

This blog is not good to be left unused. So I try to start with something about my daily life.

But this should be typed yesterday.orz

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I finished Biohazard code:Veronica yesterday. Refering to my memories, all third person Biohazard were tried except 1, 0, 5.(I don't have a Gamecube and PS3 for 0 and 5 respectively. While 1 is too difficult for me to play.) BH 4, outbreak and outbreak file 2 can't be compared with BHCV as the system of them are different. For the remainders, I think that they are not as hard as BHCV personally.

First of all, the weapons in BHCV are weaken. (especially Chris's Glock17 and shotgun lol) However, that's fun to have many different weapons to use.

For the puzzles, some key items can only be used or gotten when you check it. This small changing of system made the game more tough. But I hate this. I don't like puzzles, that's really time-consuming. lol

Middle bosses are also enhanced this time. The chance that encountering middle bosses are increased, say, in Claire part, monster with one big arm are found everywhere, hunters and surveillance cameras are found everywhere in Chris part. Not only annoying, but also frightening. I was impressed by the boss fightings, too. This time, brain should be used and should not just rely on firearms.(especially fighting with Alexia for the first time)

In truth, I hate wasting of bullets. I have many bullets left in the final, that's no good, really. I prefer BH4, a small amount of bullets will be left in every battles. Anyway, I was satisfied with this BHCV. I love this game. Just too long for me. I was exhausted.

It seems no game I want to play at the moment.

Back to draw.